The badass column: beginnings

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To all my readers, I’m sorry. With the recent start of school, things have been slowing down for me, and instead of writing a story, I’m taking notes for theology. I’ll let that sink in. Notes for theology.

Anyway, I’ve decided to make an executive decision. My column is officially a Snickers (Yes, I’m comparing my writing to a Snickers). Instead of writing two stories, a Tweet and Tell and then a What to Watch for the week, I’ve decided to scale back to one massive, awesome, incredible column.

So where does the Snicker metaphor fit in, you ask.

Ah, you see, Snickers is God’s gift to man kind. Its subtle combination of chocolate, nuts, caramel, and nugget makes it one of the best candies in the world. So too will this column, in a less subtler way, use the combination of tweets, predictions, videos, and my terrible jokes to form “the badass column.”

So without further ado…

I’m sure by now everyone has seen the “We are Mizzou” video. The video shows three college students with way too much time on their hands and way too little talent to exploit. And as sad as it was that these college students made such a terrible video, it’s even sadder that I actually like it. First it was just a watch through and some humming: nothing too big. Then I kept watching and watching. Before I knew it, I was belting “So who are you?!” in the shower.

In hopes to finding a cure to this pathetic addiction, I decided to watch six children in adult bodies  go out every night, pee themselves, and do absolutely nothing all day; I watched some Jersey Shore. Then I realized I was filling one pathetic addiction with another (God bless Snooki’s soul).

So that didn’t work. At this point it was getting pretty bad: I had just downloaded the song onto my Ipod and had put it on repeat when working out at the gym (I got some pretty weird stares, I think it was when I yelled the line, “say your grace!” that did it). I had hit rock bottom. Then I went back to the source, youtube, and incredibly, I stumbled upon other videos made by other college students

As you can see, this video was actually pretty good. The response, of course, was a Purdue video.

I now have a playlist titled “Awesome college songs” on my Ipod, right below my “Justin Bieber” playlist. Yes, life’s good.

However, for Kansas fans life isn’t very good. In last night’s game, I watched Tyshawn Taylor suddenly morph into the ghost of Christian Moody and flat out brick those two big free throws. With those misses, Mizzou went on to win the game and defend its home floor. And while the game on the court was a fun battle between two top tier teams, heading into the game, there was a battle raging off the court, on Twitter. It was the #thingsbetterthantheotherteam battle, and might I say something, as a totally independent, non-biased 3rd party, this was some of the most entertaining things I’ve ever read. Thank God for sports

KU fans, let’s see what you got.

Turner Gill #ThingsBetterThanMizzou

Brett Shaw@Bshaw722

#ThingsBetterThanMizzou Evangelical Republicans

Jordan Jacobson@jdever12

Public bathrooms #thingsbetterthanmizzou

Cassie Mann @coolcass01

#ThingsBetterThanMizzou Anthony Davis’ unibrow

-Alex Todd@TheAlexTodd

Missouri fans, your turn.

Holly Rowe’s makeup artist. #ThingsbetterthanKansas

– FakeNedYost@fakenedyost

Where was Erin Andrews last night? Honestly...

Running out of toilet paper #thingsbetterthankansas

– Lucas Vincent@The9extBi6Thing

The WNBA #thingsbetterthanKansas

– The Antlers@The_Antlers

Tyler Palko #thingsbetterthankansas

– Romeo Crennel@Grandpa_Romeo

The winner: fans like me, who get to witness this hilarious Twitter war.

The Super Bowl

            Someone up in Congress needs to make the Super Bowl a national holiday. They’re making laws to get rid of Facebook and Twitter (see SOPA), the least they can do is make the Super Bowl a national holiday. I was thinking the law would be called Protecting Against Abusive Super Bowl Practices. The law would effectively make it illegal to have school on the Monday after the Super Bowl, teachers could not assign homework the weekend of the Super Bowl, Super Bowl parties must include conversations related to sports unless the conversationees move rooms, therefore to not allow for distractions, commercials must be watched by viewers, and terrible halftime shows would be made illegal. If you’re interested in starting a petition with me for this piece of legislation, feel free to contact me. This can happen America! Believe in Hope and Change (I think I’m getting a little carried away).

As for the actual game, I think it will be an interesting matchup. The pain of losing to the Giants in the Super Bowl four years ago must be devastating for the Patriots, and as much as they say they haven’t thought of it, they have. That’s like saying athletes don’t think of individual awards or they don’t care about the money (please, spare us all, you’re not fooling anyone. You’re an athlete not an actor).

This game will go down to the wire. That I’m for sure. As for everything else, I have no idea. The Giants have that “it” factor this year that the Packers had last year and they had four years ago. Ultimately, the “it” factor (whatever “it” is) will win this game for them.

Giants- 24 Patriots-21

Blase Capelli


One thought on “The badass column: beginnings

    Z Go said:
    February 5, 2012 at 4:55 pm

    (I think I’m getting a little carried away). … truest thing you said.

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