The Badass Column: Signs of the Apocalypse

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I’m a firm believer that the world will end in 2012. Consider the last week: Jeff Withey was trending on Twitter, Newt Gingrich is seriously being considered as a Republican Candidate, Jeremy Lin went from being the Chinese bench-warmer who went to Harvard to the (obviously) Taiwanese baller who put up 38 points against the Lakers to the victim of a racist comment (someone on ESPN is getting fired), and Nicki Minaj singlehandedly ruined the Adele’s Grammy’s. I’m leaving out the fact that someone in Hollywood thought it would be a good idea to make a sequel to Ghost Rider (Nicolas Cage, please retire, thank you).The Mayans were right. What has this world come to?

One thing’s for sure, though, Jeff Withey is going to be living up this last year if he continues “gettinwitheywithit” (don’t look at me, I didn’t come up with this). That’s not to say, if he does poorly on the court, he still won’t be living it up, because he’ll always have his hilarious twitter account @FakeJeffWithey

That must have been a loud yell. Photo from:


Fake Jeff Withey@FakeJeffWithey- Skipped classes and practice today. Valentine’s Day is my Super Bowl #WitheyGettingBusy

Or is it your National Championship, since you are in college? Either way, it’s a worthless day, and we all know it.

Fake Jeff Withey@FakeJeffWithey- “Well at least we are still gonna get a degree from a fine academic university. Oh wait…” -Texas Tech players

Well at least we are still gonna get a degree…Oh wait.

…This just got awkward.

Fake Jeff Withey@FakeJeffWithey- Wow, Coach Self takes me out when I’m only 1 point and 6 blocks away from a triple double #BillSelfCockBlockParty

Happens to me all the time, sometimes in NBA 2K11 the computer randomly subs a player that was only 6 blocks away from a triple double. ONLY 6!


And while Jeff Withey has been playing superbly these past few weeks, this last week he’s been upstaged by the meteoric rise of the Harvard graduate and now currently starting point guard for the New York Knicks Jeremy Lin. If the world doesn’t end as the Mayans predicted, it may very well end by the world getting taken over by linsanity. I can’t remember the last time I turned on Sportscenter and didn’t see something about Lin.

But it should be realized that his success was the product of opportunity and preparation. Just watch the below video, he worked out three times a day and when he was given the chance to play, he capitalized. What might be more incredible is that just last week he was sleeping on Landry Fields’s couch, after his brother told him he was having guests and couldn’t use his couch (#couchproblems).  

It will be interesting to see how the future unfolds for Lin. Will he be able to control his rampant turnover problems? How will he handle the return of Melo? Both are interesting questions and will only be answered with time. Looks like we won’t be seeing any less of Lin on Sportscenter, oh well.

The light at the end of the tunnel

And while I do think the world will end in 2012, there is still hope in this sad world. You only have to look at the cover of the most recent Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition to understand why. Those girls reaffirm my belief that there is goodness in the world. Kate Upton must have stolen beauty points from Snooki and co. from the Jersey Shore (what would this column be without a tasteless Jersey Shore joke?)

 Unfortunately, the cover is all I’ve seen. My beautiful and caring mother immediately withdrew the magazine, leaving me like a kid who just realized that the yellow first down lines for football on TV weren’t actually real (don’t ask me how or why I thought this). So I’ve only glanced over the cover, but that’s been good enough for me.

 Not only does the SI Swimsuit Edition give me hope for this world, but also the new movie Hunger Games. I’ve read all three books of the series and based on the trailer this looks like a gem. For me, it’s a day one visit to the movie theatre, and while I’m there I will promptly forget that the world will end in less than a year, relax, and enjoy my life.

Blase Capelli

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